All or Nothing.

Balance. Oof.

Something I’m trying to learn how to do, or maybe have always tried to learn how to do?

I think I’ve always had trouble balancing things tbh. When I was in highschool I remember stressing myself out so much over studying and tests and not doing “well”. Which for me was like getting mid- low 80’s in everything ( I blame my over-achieving friends that seemed to get 90’s or 100 in everything. Wasn’t high school for goofing off? Sometimes? Hah! No it was for who got the best test scores- obviously. Also why be in one thing when you could be in five? I went to a weird high school.)

So it comes as no surprise that given the opportunity to travel to Germany in grade 11, (because all of my friends were doing it, I know I know can you say upper east side gossip girl? ) meant of course I had to do it too.

My peer-pressure in high school was also strange. It wasn’t so much of a let’s do crazy things like drugs or have unprotected sex ( or maybe I was hanging out with a different crowd) but more of a um everyone’s going on this European exchange thing, tell me why you can’t go? Going to Germany meant that I finished grade 11 four months earlier. We had to. We had to cram all of grade 11, including exams, so that we were done by the the end of March, when we left. Which in grade 11 also meant I always had homework, I was always busy and would always feel guilty about going out.

Back to my point. I think grade 11 stressed me out a lot, there was no balance. I was all work and no play Reba. Which meant come grade 12 my courses were less, I had more spares and the major exams had happened in January. This meant I could slack off. Probably not an entirely wise idea in my last year of high school before university but give me a break. I had just completed a year of high school in 7 months instead of 10. And then worked a full summer at camp. I decided I deserved to give myself a break.

I always seem to either be all in or all out in the most basic terms. If I look at my track record that’s even true. I also slacked off in first year university, maybe because I had in grade 12. But my last term of university I remember being at university three days a week but those were full days. That started at 9 am and ended at 6pm when I got home. Two years ago I was full busy stop from january- july and my friends complained. That I never saw them. That I could never “hang out” I had a show in January followed by an intensive acting program from Feb-May and outside of those rehearsals I was trying to produce my first fringe show and book those rehearsals and I worked full time. Oof. It’s almost exhausting just typing it out.

I always do give myself a break after a really intense period. In the simplest way I allow myself to do nothing. To veg out, go for coffee, read, and watch whatever show I’m currently into for hours ( right now it’s gossip girl ). But again, it’s only a matter of time before my brain starts gnawing at me going why aren’t you doing anything? You should definitely be doing something. Or all the things. When I get depressed I go in the other direction. I do nothing. I can’t do anything. And I watch mind numbing shows for hours (Little People Big World? I could tell you their LIFE STORY )

Going into my adulthood it’s really hard trying to find a balance between doing what I love and also trying to live my life. What I love to do often feels like it won’t allow me to live my life. Or in normal hours anyway. Which I have mostly accepted. When I get overwhelmed by doing things ( it happens often) I tell myself to just do one thing on my list that day. I feel like I’ve accomplished something and sure it’s not the list of 20 things in my head but I did one of them. It maintains my balance.

Last week I let this blog slide, which I didn’t mean to because my blog is important to me.

But I’ll break down my week for you. I had a last minute interview and audition and they were back to back. I also signed up for a workshop that I have to think about this week and applied to school. Oh and I got addicted to Riverdale.

I’ll probably never be good at doing nothing, and I might not want to be. And I don’t like being “too good” at it either because then I’m just a lump. And of course while all of this is happening I need to know if Dan and Serena will ever be together, if Chuck and Blair can figure their shit out and who’s going to tell Rufus and Lily that their son isn’t actually dead??!? ( sorry spoiler if you’ve never watched gossip girl)

That’s all from this gossip girl/ anthems of a 20 something girl at the moment. Writing my blog tonight was the one thing on my list I *definitely* had to do so mission accomplished.

Oh and if you’re wondering maybe you are? Maybe you aren’t? Maybe you’re like who cares what high school this girl went to? ( shush it’s my blog and I assume you sort of care ) I went to a private high school, the over achieving thing might make sense then. And sometimes it felt like the meaner parts of gossip girl where I was Jenny Humphrey living in Brooklyn, without the whole cute boys going to my school thing.

I’ll leave you with a song from O-town ( because the 2000s are always alive and well in my heart) called all or nothing. Get it? It’s relevant.

Why I March

This past weekend was the Women’s March On Washington. It was the first of hopefully many marches that happened across every continent this weekend. It was a march to take a stand for women’s rights everywhere.

Here is a quote from the women’s march on washington website that explains a bit more:

In the spirit of democracy and honouring the champions of human rights, dignity, and justice who have come before us, we join in diversity to show our presence in numbers too great to ignore. The Women’s March on Washington will send a bold message to our new government on their first day in office, and to the world that women’s rights are human rights. We stand together, recognizing that defending the most marginalized among us is defending all of us.

I also marched this Saturday in my hometown of Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada. I don’t know the numbers exactly of how many people showed up but last I heard it might have been 3000? Which is pretty great for Winnipeg. The weather was also amazing and I would like to think that hopefully that many people would show up if it was -40 but I have my doubts. Now I liked the march, and I supported it but was also feeling conflicted as I knew many people that didn’t support it for various reasons ( none of them being that they support trump- they don’t) didn’t go to the march.

First of all it was a largely re: probably 90 percent if not more caucasian people. My one friend pointed out that where were all these white women during woc or poc marches? And I couldn’t agree more. Would they have shown up? Did they show up? Difficult questions to ask I know. Do we only care about the #marchonwashington because it only directly affects white people? ( I say this knowing I myself am a white feminist and presumably already get judged for such things)

Were people all jazzed about it because every celebrity on the planet was live tweeting/ insta-gramming/ showing their support in one social media aspect or another and therefore got more press than other marches? I wonder.

Now I know there was also an outrage about the amount of signs that talked about how being a woman and having a uterus was what made women powerful and no one could own their uterus and proclaiming joy over their periods. From what I heard the backlash was from transgender people specifically trans-women who may not have had uterus’s and felt left out and these signs somehow pointed out that not having a uterus made them less of a woman. Which made me upset because I’m one for saying you do you, you be you. I don’t think that not having a uterus doesn’t make you less of a woman and I’m jealous that you don’t have to bleed every month and spend a ridiculous amount of money on tampons.

For myself, I’m all about being inclusive. I’m all about powerful women and whatever sexuality identity you are. I know posting these things may create a backlash on myself, because this post is getting political and delving into politics is not something I’ve ever been fond of.

But the more that terrible things keep happening out in the world the more I feel like I have to speak up and suffer the backlash with my other fellow women. I mean seriously Fuck Trump am I right? Raising awareness that women still get mistreated as often as we do is important, the work pay gap is still happening and needs to be addressed, the number of women that go missing/ are murdered in a year is not ok and we need to do something to stop it.

I marched this weekend for myself, for women that couldn’t march and for all the women I love and support in my world and those I have not met yet. I marched for gender equality and to start an important conversation that we need to keep being pro-active and fighting for women’s rights and justice because this conversation matters, because we matter.

I’ll leave with another segment from the March on Washington website:

We believe that Women’s Rights are Human Rights and Human Rights are Women’s Rights. We must create a society in which women – including Black women, Native women, poor women, immigrant women, disabled women, Muslim women, lesbian queer and trans women – are free and able to care for and nurture their families, however they are formed, in safe and healthy environments free from structural impediments. 

Say it with me now: Females are Strong as Hell.

Here is a link to the site that I quoted also there is some cool stuff/ information on there so check it out:

https://www.womensmarch.com/

Also here are some photos of the march that happened in winnipeg this weekend, we didn’t march very far and at times it didn’t feel like a lot of people were there. So we may be small but we are mighty

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And another fave of mine this one says Donald Trump’s reading list * includes twitter for dummies* I loved it because it was creative and made me laugh.

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My personal superpower: Save the empath, save the world.

So I just read when I last blogged… 21 DAYS AGO.

OMGOSH I AM SO SORRY BLOGASPHERE. Also people were probably going hey remember that *cool* girl that used to blog? Yeah well she doesn’t anymore.. wonder what happened to her?

** I am not cool and this blog sometimes feels like me just trying in a different way to validate my non- coolness**

I’ve been busy which shouldn’t be an excuse but it is because I was trying to live that artistic life and I had a show this past weekend ( it went great! thanks for asking and I’m sorry I’m terrible at promoting stuff I do!) Onward and blog-word.

The subject matter of my play was a sensitive topic, it was about trauma and I won’t go into details because it’s not mine to go into details about. But all in all a very sensitive subject matter, and I think we treated it with the care that it deserved.

Doing this play ( re: all plays ) requires us as actors to be sensitive. As actors we are always being told that we have to be open to everything. To being vulnerable and all of the things that you might not normally like to be.

Now I am a sensitive person. I may be an overtly sensitive person. When I was younger my brother would get injured and I would cry. Not just on one occasion on like all occasion’s. If I was ever going to be in Heroes clearly I would be an empath and hopefully get to make out with Milo Ventimiglia. Now saying I’m a sensitive person would make you think that that would factor into my acting. It would help me out and maybe I’d have some weird edge on some people that are robots.

Well you’d be wrong. I’ll jump back a little. While also being a very sensitive person, I was a very sensitive child, and I was very shy. ( Don’t ask me where that went although I do have moments of social anxiety sometimes, don’t we all? ) Somewhere along my childhood though I learned to repress it. I wouldn’t even be able to tell you when it happened or where it came from. I’ve had talks about it with my acting coach who suggested that somewhere in my childhood I probably felt embarrassed for being really sensitive to something, or embarrassed or ashamed that something made me cry so easily. This I can imagine. And of course you go through middle school and you just want to make it out alive so you make sure that you never cry in front of anyone for any reason.

By the time I hit high school I was probably on my way to getting used to repressing things, emotionally anyway. Doesn’t mean I didn’t feel them. I did. A lot.

Sometimes I think I feel certain emotions or certain things way more than other people (Empath see? Cast me in your next movie Marvel, and can I also wear a cape? ).

So years ( probably at this point now ) of me repressing a majority of my emotions and now I want to be an actor? Yeah fucking right. Good luck and see you on the other side. Well don’t worry because that’s kind of what happened. University kicked my ass and lots of scenes or plays I did I didn’t connect to, because I felt like I couldn’t. You want to try opening Pandora’s box after 10 years? I didn’t think so. I’ve been called the Ice Queen so many times in my family it is a running joke. Nothing makes me cry. Theatre that moves me, good movies, television shows, pretty much nothing. So yeah, who’s the robot now?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m often emotional watching things, and I’ll always feel a lump rising in my throat but I could always push it down, take a breath and move past it. I’ll always remember a particular moment with my acting coach when I was doing a monologue I had done approx. a hundred times in front of her. She told me to do something different with it and kept pushing me and pushing me, and finally I cried. When I was doing it, as I was saying it. She announced I had had a breakthrough as an actor. Now has that moment happened since then? No. But to me it means I can get there again. Eventually.

It’s taken me way too long to realize that being sensitive is ok. That I shouldn’t try to repress everything because one day you’ll have to do something with all of that repression and it won’t be good. Sometimes things actually make me cry now. They are still rare and few between and sometimes I still get judged for not being able to cry during something like Titanic. But now I can name some instances I’ve cried watching something, ( they are few so I remember them )

  1. Cory Monteith’s episode on Glee right after he died and everyone had to process it. Oh my god. I thought I was upset when I found out he died but this episode cut me.
  2. Les Mis movie, sometime near the end I can’t quite remember when.
  3. X men: Days of Future Past ( Good job marvel you made me cry at a superhero movie now will you let me wear a cape? )
  4. Gilmore Girls: A year in the Life. I never cried during the series once but I cried twice watching the revival. I’ll let you guess when ( hint they’re both Luke and Lorelai related)

 

So I’m trying to be ok with my sensitivity, which is always a process. Trying to be more open with my emotions will probably make me a better actor which will always be a good thing. If nothing else you can find joy that I cried during X Men and we can have a laugh about it because personally I think it’s hilarious that Hugh Jackman made me cry.

Here is a meme to remember how great Heroes was and me thinking that I’d have awesome empath powers:c998ae12e24abb102900a4774feada05-1

 

Also enjoy this very weird music video from 3 doors down with their song Kryptonite:

 

 

 

Not here to be your social media moral conscious

Merry boxmas! Or christmas, or hanukkah or however you decided to spend your holidays, religious or not.

I apologize for being a bit AWOL ( if people are still using that term) last week, I figured that I had already written about christmas so I didn’t know what to write about and I got lazy as well. I got off work on Friday and for the first time since university I have like 10 days off in a row over christmas! It’s crazy! I may do some things I may netflix and eat chocolate the entire time and have no one but my cat to judge me for doing it. Who, by the way is ecstatic that I am at home for long periods of time where she can sit on me and be content for hours at a time.

Onward. Something I thought I would talk about or open up the convo to talk about is social media. I know, its not entirely christmas related but you know what it’s officially the 26th so I’m off the hook for talking more about christmas.

The world of social media didn’t exist that much for me as a kid. I remember when we got our first computer and it was a big deal because not all of my friends had them yet. When I got msn I was over the moon and come high school you could not get me off msn. But things like facebook, twitter, instagram, vine, snapchat you name it didn’t exist yet. Facebook came out when I was in grade 12 and I’ll be eternally grateful for not having evidence that I had braces, glasses and terrible acne throughout high school all over my social media outlets.

I got twitter when I was in university, I will say that my dad being the social media guru person that he is ( this is fairly accurate you would have to meet him to confirm this) likes to point out that he had twitter before my brother or I even knew what twitter was about. I got it in 2011 so in my second last year of university.

I was one of those annoying people that was anti-twitter just because I didn’t understand how twitter worked. But oh man. When I got it. Sure I probably tweeted about things ( still do ) that people don’t really care about. But I quickly came to the realization that you know who else has twitter? Actors. And celebrities. And people I had had no previous contact with at all but just fangirled hard core over and suddenly I could tweet at them?! They could respond?! MIND BLOWN.

Now I realize as much as I like tweeting at celeb’s that it becomes one of those annoying things that will get me un-followed, same as if I live tweet watching Felicity ( which I did last christmas because have you seen that show?! OMG). Some days I care, some days I don’t care and I’m just like whatever brah, just let me do me.

A variety of people that I’ve gotten responses from are Milo Ventimiglia, Ben Feldman, Zoe Kazan, George Strombo, Julia Stiles, Ingrid Michaelson, the Backstreet Boys (ohmylanta I couldn’t handle life that day) and Mara Wilson. To name a few. One famous time I asked George Strombolopolous to wish me a happy grad from university in 2012 and he did better than that. He made me a fucking video, when he was on the road somewhere with people and took time out of his life to make me a small 36 sec video wishing me good luck with my future. It was the best grad present I got.

Now that’s the fandom side of me being on social media. But as an actor it’s also a tool. To promote stuff I’m doing, to connect with other local winnipeg actors or whatnot that are on social media. It’s taken me a while, and some fabulous workshops I’ve taken, to know that as an actor I’m a brand. I’m selling a certain brand and the brand is myself.  And I know some people that don’t “believe” in social media. And that’s fine. Live your life. But they most likely aren’t my target audience. Even casting directors want to be able to search for you on the internet and also since this blog I think I’m more searchable than ever now.

Case in point, someone I matched with on tinder freaked out that I had met Patti Smith, which I wrote about on my blog – see very searchable. I’ve literally had people come up to me and tell me that they read everything I post on fb, which in itself is scary. Sometimes I tell people that I’m more unfiltered on twitter so if you can handle me at my Facebook, you can handle me on twitter. I’ve also had people say it as a derogatory term like oh yeah I know, I read it on your Facebook. To that I go, so? At least you read it, you may not have liked that you read it, but you did and I’m not here to be your moral conscious on social media.

So yeah, sometimes I’m on my phone way too much. I would like to add that who isn’t? And sometimes it takes me away from things and when it does I try to check in with myself. Like if I’m spending time with people do I need to check my phone to see if Milo Ventimiglia liked my tweet? Probably not.  I’ve heard in the past that today’s kids will probably be good or end up doing jobs that haven’t even been invented yet. When I was growing up there was no such thing as a social media coordinator, if you wanted to be social you probably picked up the phone to call someone. I didn’t know there would be a job that didn’t even exist yet that I wanted. * Again outside of acting, because we all know how much money that doesn’t make…*

Most days I feel good about my social media usage, and there are days when I try to cut back, and actually if I’m staring at a screen too long I get a headache, at which point it is definitely time to go read a book. Last night I was live tweeting about a terrible hallmark card movie I was watching that was actually getting a lot of likes. I may do the same tonight.

As always if you want to follow me on other outlets:

my twitter is @rebajesse ( public )

and my instagram is @rebajesse ( it’s private but you can always ask to follow me )

I do wish I could show you the video which I would post here from George Strombolopolous but keek doesn’t exist anymore and I’m currently trying to get him to send me a new link to the video but it hasn’t happened yet.

Here’s a nice Ryan Gosling meme that I found that feels accurate:

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And here are some pics that I do in fact get tweeted at

 

 

 

The Holiday Month that is December

I know it’s only December 12th but to me it feels like Christmas is right around the corner. ( The corner being next week ) and while I could write about something else the fact is that December just feels like a holiday month.

I’m serious. An entire holiday month that feels like nothing but christmas parties you’re obligated to go to and you better byo-any alcohol that will fit in your tiny purse that literally only holds your phone.

Lately when people want to hang out I’ve said I’m busy every single weekend can we hang out in January? And this is not family stuff. The older I get the more grateful I am that my immediate family is small and we have like two things. A thing on Christmas Eve and lazing around on Christmas day being like well we should eat eventually.

For example last year my family and I had chinese food for supper and went to a movie christmas day. It was kind of nice and very low key.

Saying this now is kind of unbelievable. Anyone in my family will attest to the fact that I am one for tradition. More so than my parents have been or  will ever be. I like things in a certain way, I like things to stay the same, and apparently liking organized plans are a virgo trait so I’m just following my astrological sign there.

I will say that traditionally I do like watching certain christmas movies every year. My main one that is not a christmas movie at all. It’s  The Sound of Music. When I was younger and we got together with family friends of ours on christmas day the kids would end up in the basement and we would turn on the T.V. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to watch T.V. on christmas day. I think it’s a lot better now than it was back in the late 90’s/ early 2000s. Like you could probably find something on T.V. that you would actually watch.

Not the case when I was a child. Which meant we normally ended up watching whatever was on CBC because it was the only thing that wasn’t like the news or something. And what was on CBC every single year? The Sound of Music.

And at the glorious age of 23 a childhood dream of mine came true and I went to Salzburg, Austria and visited every place that they filmed for The Sound of Music. It was raining the entire day and I had to get someone else to take pictures of me standing in front of the gazebo and various things but I am happy in every single picture.

Another fave of mine is The Holiday. I know you’re saying but what about Love Actually?!? What about Hugh Grant?!? And Colin Firth?!

To that I say have you seen Jude Law do Mr. Napkin head in The Holiday or watch Cameron Diaz rock out to Mr. Brightside by The Killers? As an adult I also feel like I can ridiculously relate to both Cameron and Kate in that movie because they just want to get away from it all and get over various ex’s.  Also we can not forget that Eli Wallach pretty much explains what meet-cutes are in this movie and I use that term in my daily life.

The older I get I think the whole being excited about Christmas thing wears off as well. I look forward to hanging out with friends ( yeah all those christmas parties are a lot but also I’ve never seen my friends more in the span time of one month ) and value things like getting time off of work to be at home. To be lazy. To not get out of my pjs until dinner. To be excited when family comes home for christmas that I don’t get to see all the time. My brother doesn’t live in Winnipeg but always manages to come home for Christmas and I always love it. Even if we don’t hang out it’s good to have him home even if all we do is watch something like Back to the Future, or LOTR ( you try telling me that there is not a more perfect time to watch LOTR with commentary than at christmas) and quote the entire movie.

* Side note we’re a pain to watch a lot of movies with and it just gets worse as we get older*

Traditions can be great but it’s only a small part of the holiday season as I’m learning and the less I think we put it on a pedestal the better. Although that’s not going to stop me from watching The Holiday at least once complete with wine and chocolate because that’s my own small tradition that I like to live in.

This remains one of my favourite moments from the holiday:

cc2bde0990db531c0ebef023857c7677

 

Eye of the Tiger

This past weekend I went to the theatre. No, not a movie, but you know the actual theatre.

I saw Tigers Be Still which was put on by District Theatre Collective, a small but mighty independent theatre company here in Winnipeg. It’s run by local theatre people and a few people who I know/ went to school with. The play was what I needed. It made me laugh so much, and it was so relate-able my life seemed to parallel Sherry’s ( who was the main female protagonist).

I could rave about how much I loved this play for the entire blog post.  I would and I would also encourage you to see it, but it being a small theatre company they tend not to have very long runs and it had about a 4 night run, so it ended on Sunday.

What I will passionately rave/ rant about is something that I went to afterwords. That is something quite passionate and dear to my heart. Women in Theatre.

Oof. I can already hear everyone simultaneously getting tense as I type that.

I went to an amazing panel discussion after the play that was put on by District Theatre Collective ( from here on in DTC) the panel was filled with local woman involved in  winnipeg theatre in any way shape or form. Actors, improvisers, playwrights, directors, artistic directors and a moderator, to you know, moderate things. The moderator started out with stats that we all seemed to know and cringe with. For those of you less in the know than myself ( or other women in theatre ) I’ll lay it out for you.

There are less than 1/3rd of women ( I believe these were Canadian statistics but I may be wrong) in the Canadian theatre world in these categories:

  1. As Artistic Directors/ Directors
  2. As playwrights
  3. As actors

Are you shocked? I wasn’t either. Which is entirely disappointing. Because I think we should be. These statistics are also scary because when they looked ( whoever they were the random statistic people of canada maybe) more than 80 percent of theatre schools/ institutions were made up of women.

SO WHERE DO THEY ALL GO?!?! Exactly. While we may have high numbers in theatre school, and trust me that statistic is legit, I went to theatre school and I could always count on one hand the amount of males in my classes, we seem to peter off afterwords. Maybe we do something else, maybe we get more adult jobs or, if you’re like myself and so many other women I know, we’re struggling a.f. to get anything.

This isn’t a poor me let’s pity women type of thing. This is the reality of going out and trying to get stuff/ do stuff after you got this degree that proves you can sort of a do an artistic thing. From more statistics from the moderator, and also just facts from the women up there who were talking, a lot of the theatre world is run by men. Directors are mostly men, as are artistic directors ( people that run theatre companies, people who decide what plays get seen for their season of theatre) and please don’t get me started on who they’re always looking for for parts.

The need for caucasian men between the ages of 25-40 seems to be great. Abounding. And suddenly all of these men come out of the woodwork and you’re like I’ve been here trying to do some things/ get some things for 5 plus years who are you? And then they tell you that they just decided to try this acting thing and if you’re like me you just get mad and try not to punch them in the face. Because for sure they’re going to get that part.

This panel talked not only about women in theatre but specifically woc ( women of colour) in theatre and poc ( people of colour ) in theatre. And to quote my one friend when the moderator asked her if she thought that had changed at all in the past few years she legit just said “um… no. ” Which is so true. How can we expect to see these things happen if people don’t get the opportunity to do them?  If they don’t have access to these opportunities?  This perspective of mine I know comes from my own privileged white self and I know I was granted opportunities that not everyone has. So all of this ends up making my brain hurt because how can we change this? How can we change these stats?

The topic shifted as we began to talk about theatre companies in general. A lot of independent theatre companies end up being run by women ( DTC- run mostly by women) and yes they’re smaller. But they end up being able to do more edgy theatre. The only way it seems we are going to get seen and heard and tell our stories is when we create our own theatre. Someone else on the panel said that if you took a look at all of the risky,”out there” theatre for the majority of the part, it’s not being done by men it’s being done by women. Because we have to be scrappy, we have to be edgy just to change those damn statistics.

Those terrible stats won’t change overnight, and apparently they haven’t even changed in the past few decades. Which is sad. Because really when you think of the majority of people that go to the theatre? It’s mostly women. It really is.

I’m hoping DTC will keep having these panel discussions because the key is to keep talking about it and taking action towards it. Tweet at them @districttheatre to keep the convo going!

I’ll leave with this GREAT quote that one woman said that I wish I could take credit for:

“You can’t be a mediocre woman unless you’re very privileged and very beautiful.”

Truth.

Here’s a pic I took from the panel discussion:

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And here’s a link to District Theatre Collective’s twitter:

https://twitter.com/districttheatre

You’re Still A Contender

So Gilmore Girls A Year in the Life was released this past weekend. And unless you’ve been living under a rock you or someone you know has probably talked about it or watched it.

** Don’t worry no spoilers here, I recognize that everyone may not have binge watched it like I did until 4 am**

People always seem to ask why Gilmore Girls? What is it about this show? The people I’ve talked to friends and family alike seem to either hate it or love it, there is no in between. People that hate it for the most part hate that they talk so fast. The people that love it love the pace of the show, myself falling into the latter category. As an actor I am incredibly impressed and fascinated that they can talk that fast. People don’t seem to know that that is an incredible skill and incredibly difficult. I don’t know if I could do it. And it is true their scripts are twice as long as normal scripts because of how fast they talk.

I don’t know if I can pinpoint an exact reason why I like it but I can try, from my perspective anyway. ( This is anthems of this 20 something after all) The trials and tribulations of Lorelai’s and Rory’s relationships are definitely relate-able. But at the heart of this show, at the heart of everything is this fascinating mother-daughter relationship that seems to not exist IRL. ( Or no one I know has that kind of relationship with their mother )

They are best friends, they tell each other everything, they hang out together because they want to. They tell each other about their dating lives. Again, fascinating. Now I didn’t grow up with a single mom, and my mom didn’t have me at 16 either. I have a fairly well rounded family with siblings and my parents have been together since like the dawn of time. But the closeness of Lorelai and Rory’s relationship fascinates me. Even with Emily who doesn’t get along with Lorelai throughout this series there is still this closeness that she now knows so much about her daughter’s life and in turn her granddaughter’s life.

And Rory. Rory for me is everything that wasn’t on television at that point in time. She was a hardworking girl who wanted good grades, who wanted to go to an Ivy League College and boys were always an after thought. As someone who didn’t date in high school this was huge for me. While I loved The O.C. I could without a doubt say that Marissa and Summer (as much as I loved Summer) were entirely un-relatable and despite the amount of guys I could count that were like Seth Cohen, their lives did not echo mine.

Rory had huge ambitions, she wanted to do well, she wanted to get along with her mom and make her proud and I got that. I constantly wanted to get good grades which I mostly did, where things like sports were never my thing I loved school. Minus science for the most part, I did well in school. Even when Rory flipped out about not wanting to go to Yale and not being good enough, I felt I could relate. I had a similar moment after first year of University and questioned whether I should go back.

Of course I will always be #teamjess and am still looking for some article of clothing to commemorate that. IMO he matched Rory intellect for intellect and challenged her in ways her other boyfriends never did. But the fact that Rory doesn’t end up with any of her boyfriends at the end of Season 7?  It kind of makes sense to me. She was always bigger  than any relationship she ever had and always had outside goals and ambitions, and that’s what I liked about her. She didn’t let the Madeline and Louise’s of the world control her dating life and while she did date incredibly good looking guys, she did manage to always put her life first, whether it was her studies or hanging out with her mom.  She was always an independent woman who was very smart and honestly no guy could probably keep up her.

And what does she get from all of this? Oh yeah she gets to follow Obama around on his campaign trail and report it. Pretty cool. Now I know people may or may not know what happened in A year in the life, and I won’t make spoilers here, but this is just my opinion from the first seven seasons of #gg. I also have a flood of opinions from the revival but I figure I’ll let people watch it first to form their own.

I’ll leave with one of my fave quotes from A year in the Life though and this is not a spoiler but it was in the trailer so if you didn’t see the trailer I apologize in advance and don’t keep reading:

It is indeed a jess and rory interaction:

Rory: I could’ve been a contender!

Jess: You’re still a contender.

Through everything Rory has been through she’s still a contender, and no boy was going to alter that for her.

But also this picture:

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And the trailer:

The Tragic Romantic Four

So I know I missed a week. I’m sorry to everyone who follows this blog ( which may just be my dad- sorry dad) I had a busy week. A heads up that since I’ve changed jobs I no longer have Tuesday during the day off so my blog will most likely resume to a Monday/ Tuesday evening post.

Onward, since I know my personal life isn’t always super fascinating, I’ll talk about something that has always fascinated me. It’s something called The Enneagram. Now I grew up in a house where The Enneagram was always talked about. I remember when my parents would have their friends over and they would get together and talk about the enneagram.

It involved talking about numbers. A lot of numbers. I didn’t understand the number thing. Only when I grew up a bit did I realize that the numbers actually meant something. For people reading this that have never heard of the enneagram- I’ll clue you in.

The Enneagram at the base of things is like a personality test. It’s like Myers Briggs you know those tests you took when you were younger to figure out what kind of qualities you had? If you were on an extroverted person or an introverted person? If you were more logical, more empathetic? Basically where you were on Myers Briggs line.  ( ENFP – I still remember that from high school ) It’s kind of the same thing. But also way more in depth.

The Enneagram deals with numbers as I said.  The Greek word ennea- means nine and the gramma, is something written or drawn. So the numbers go from 1-9. Each number has a different space of where you kind of live/ make your decisions from. They may be called something else officially but what my parents have told me is that there are three spaces; the head space, the heart space and the gut space. **

** These are also apparently called The Instinctive Centre, The Feeling Centre and The Thinking Centre **

So numbers 2,3,4 are from the heart space. They make a lot of decisions based on how they feel, they make them from their heart. ( This isn’t to say that the other numbers aren’t feeling numbers but they think about decisions differently than 2-4’s do) Numbers 5,6,7 are the head space. They tend to think really logical about things before they make a decision and can be in their head a lot- also the thinking centre. And numbers 8,9 and 1 is in the gut space. Or in the instinctive centre. They make decisions from their gut and what feels right in their gut, for them it’s all about justice.

Typically you are supposed to take an online test about what number you are. Also people aren’t supposed to tell you what your number is. I had someone tell me at an early age (one of my parent’s friends) what number I was- way before I was into the enneagram. Also a typical sign of what number you could be, or as it has been pointed out to me is the number you don’t want to be is probably the number you are.

I’m a four on the enneagram. They are kind of known as the tragic romantics ( I hated the title already ) or the individualist. In Helen Palmer’s book The Enneagram: Understanding Yourself and the Others in your Life she describes the tragic romantic as:

“…Having attained recognition and material success, remains steadfastly focused upon the lost love, the unavailable love, a future love, and a picture of happiness that only love can bring. To understand this worldview, you need to project yourself into a state of mind where decisions are based as much upon the shifting chemistry of mood as upon the perception of actual facts; and where conversations are remembered for their feeling tone and innuendo as for whatever words were actually expressed. ”

Fours can be expressive, dramatic, and self absorbed. They tend to be creative people. (although really I think any number can be creative, I just know a lot of artist 4’s )  I always think I feel things a lot, and sometimes more than other people, possibly because I’m a four and often feel first and think later. I am often guilty of the cry of the four which is I’m unique/ special and want to be treated as such. Sometimes hanging out with a bunch of four’s, as a lot of my artist friends are, can be a bit much. We all want to be special or unique and frankly it’s a lot to be around for long periods of time.

When fours are in unhealthy spaces they become very melancholy ( I often think I’m in a sad french film when I’m in an unhealthy space) and move to the two space. When they’re in healthy spaces they move towards the one and become more active. Sometimes I feel like a manic one when I become active and decide I have to do all the things so I can get out of my unhealthy space.

All of the numbers are very different and there are also wings ( like I’m a 4 with a 3 wing which means that sometimes I inhabit 3 like qualities- like being a chameleon).

The Enneagram is definitely a way to learn more about yourself, which I’ve always appreciated and I’ve actually discussed a lot about it with my friends, and now we have conversations about what numbers we are. It’s kind of a good healthy way to mind yourself, to think about your thoughts, and to change the negative ones because at the end of the day we should all be a little like all of the numbers. But that’s just this four’s perspective.

Want to find out what number you are because now you’re so intrigued? Sure you do:

Here’s a link: https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/dotest.php

Also here’s a clip of what celebrities relate to what number on the enneagram ( which may be totally false but is fun to watch anyway – because who doesn’t want to know what Tom Cruise would be on the enneagram? )

I’m With Her

Tuesday, November 8th, 2016. Today is election day in the United States. My facebook/instagram/ twitter has been flooded for the past few months with my American friends telling people to vote, and who to vote for.

Right now being Canadian, as I am, looks pretty good. But I am very concerned. Whoever gets voted in to be the president will no doubt affect Canada, and you know well, everyone. Maybe I shouldn’t have an opinion, or maybe my opinion doesn’t matter because it’s not like I can vote in this election—but I’m putting it out there and saying #ImwithHer . Looking at the American election from Canada is what I imagine the Americans might have been doing when we recently elected our new Prime Minister. Everyone was paranoid that too many people would vote for Stephen Harper again, and I couldn’t stand to look at his stupid sweater vests for another four years.

I like to think of myself as a strong, independent woman, which I also believe defines Hillary Clinton. Like look at all girl has gone through to get to where she is today. This is why I’m so confused by women who support Donald Trump. He talks about women in the crudest possible ways and the most objectifying ways like we are not humans. I haven’t met any woman who does support Trump—the only one I know of is that woman on CNN who is blonde and I can’t remember her name. But I want to shake her and say you know he hates us… RIGHT?!?!

My brother posted something on facebook today that said:

“Happy Am I moving to Canada day?! ” Which made me laugh, but also resonates some truth. People joke about moving to Canada all the time but if Hillary doesn’t win how many people will actually consider moving here? I know for me if the election went south,  I would move to Canada if I was American.

Back to Hillary. I can’t believe that people are still talking about those emails. I want to say let it go guys, because your other option is a misogynist tool who has legit sexually assaulted women and this is the person we want young people and children to look up to? No thanks.

Yeah, I see myself as a strong feminist but often my brain gets conflicted. I believe that anyone can be a feminist because it’s just about equality. Do you think women should get paid the same amount of money for doing the same work that men do? Because I think they should. I’ll tell you why my brain gets conflicted. Because I see myself as this strong independent person, there are certain situations that present themselves that make me feel less strong. An example would be when I get in a cab by myself late at night. Because of recent stories I’ve heard, sometimes I feel unsafe. I don’t think that I need another person in the cab with me, but the fact that I am a woman changes the dynamic in the cab. * This is why I like to take the bus home if I can *

So where is this little anecdote going? I think we need to see women differently. We need to see women in positions of power. We need Hillary. Things like how the media views women can’t change overnight. Just like things like women feeling safe in cabs unfortunately can’t change overnight either. ( A reason why Winnipeg needs uber right there )

For myself, I’ll always take a bus home if I have an option to ( although that is not to say that terrible things don’t happen on buses either… because they do ) and maybe one day that will change. I think the sooner we can do this whole equality thing the better. We’re getting there, but we’re nowhere near where we should be. I think it’s why we need Hillary, to stand up for us and for women everywhere, even this Canadian who is not an American citizen.

Here is a great clip from when Hillary Clinton was on SNL and my girl crush Kate Mckinnon being Hillary Clinton.

 

Are you also a Canadian that wants to  go out and see the election results? The one place I know in Winnipeg that is showing them, (probably with themed drinks as well) is The Good Will, which this girl will be going to after my class tonight. Link here:

https://www.facebook.com/events/1123555234367140/

 

My creative outlet

So Halloween was yesterday. For the most part on the actual day of Halloween I didn’t do that much. I went to work, came home after, saw my niece and nephew get dressed up and be cute for Halloween and probably ate too much candy.

That being said that doesn’t mean that I don’t like Halloween. I’ve found that particularly with Halloween it’s either something people like or hate. It’s an either/or situation. I definitely fall into the category of liking Halloween, I think I always have. Save for some years when I thought I was over Halloween I’ve always enjoyed dressing up for the event.

The older I get  I feel like I shouldn’t be as “into” Halloween anymore, but I think my liking Halloween is contagious among my friends. For the past few years they’ve always asked me what I’m going as, and my one close friend even asked me this year what her costume should be. This is all to say that I am not one to half-ass Halloween anymore. I either go big or go home.

Halloween can be seen as some sort of greedy holiday that is in fact not a holiday at all.  I choose to see it as a creative opportunity to DIY your costume. I’ve never been someone that goes out to buy a specific costume. I wanted my parents to buy me one when I was younger, but that’s because I didn’t know any better. My best costume as a child was when I went as Zorro ( defying gender norms from an early age apparently) and I had to get creative and put a bunch of pieces together after a trip to value village.

Some of my best costumes have been in recent years when I’ve planned my Halloween costume a few months in advance. Last year was one of my faves when I went as Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. This year depending on my hair colour I wasn’t sure about my costume.

Currently my blonde-ish hair stage meant that I might go as Buffy, or Penny Lane from Almost Famous although I didn’t think her character was recognizable enough.

* I learned at an early stage that if people don’t recognize your costume you are going to be sorely disappointed no matter how awesome your costume is *

And then I saw Ghostbusters with my friend this summer.  As someone who thinks about Halloween in summer I knew what my costume was going to be. I could also re-use my goggles and leather gloves from being Ramona Flowers for my Ghost-busting Jillian Holtzmann costume.  Finding a jumpsuit was going to be probably the most difficult part of my Halloween costume. Especially because I didn’t want to order one online and pay a copious amount of money for a costume I’d probably wear once.

To value village I went. And nothing. I was almost considering going as Holtzmann in her daily life but knew I wouldn’t be recognizable and that wasn’t going to fly. So then I went to Party Stuff where I asked one of the retail people if they had jumpsuits. The closest thing she had was a green jumpsuit from top gun that was covered in U.S. badges and about 2x too big for me. Some people might be discouraged at this point. I saw it as something I could work with and a new Halloween challenge to step up my DIY game.

I went to Michaels last week to acquire bright orange duct tape and to make my own Screw U necklace that Kate Mckinnon wears. I knew I had a belt at home that would solve some of the 2x too big problem and provide shape so I didn’t look like a box. Saturday with a borrowed backpack from my sister, a flashlight, a vacuum part, duct tape, wire and a smoke detector I worked on my proton pack. My Halloween game was going to be majorly stepped up if it killed me.

I’ve never really seen Halloween as this sort of creative outlet that I have. My dad reminded me that I’m creating for the sake of creating something, even if it’s just for Halloween. It’s true I get incredibly crafty at Halloween, and driven to make my costume as excellent as possible.

Being this crafty at Halloween makes me think I could be a costume designer or something but in reality I can’t sew at all so I just appreciate my crafty-ness once a year.  It’s this small creative thing that brings me joy every October and my little creative outlet if I have nothing else going on. I went to a Halloween party this past weekend as Jillian Holtzmann from Ghostbusters and people loved my costume. Someone even told me I won Halloween. I think it’s good to remember small things that can bring you joy, Halloween is one of mine and I look forward to it every year.

I feel like I hyped up my Halloween costume so much this year it would be unfair if I didn’t post a picture so here is me being Jillian Holtzmann from Ghostbusters:

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I also forgot about this picture which I love from when my friend and I went to the Rocky Horror Picture show last year and we went as Magenta and Columbia ( another fave costume of mine I went as Magenta, she went as Columbia)

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As someone who LOVES Rocky Horror here is The Time Warp for you to listen to on this post Halloween day as well. ( From the original of course )