The Tragic Romantic Four

So I know I missed a week. I’m sorry to everyone who follows this blog ( which may just be my dad- sorry dad) I had a busy week. A heads up that since I’ve changed jobs I no longer have Tuesday during the day off so my blog will most likely resume to a Monday/ Tuesday evening post.

Onward, since I know my personal life isn’t always super fascinating, I’ll talk about something that has always fascinated me. It’s something called The Enneagram. Now I grew up in a house where The Enneagram was always talked about. I remember when my parents would have their friends over and they would get together and talk about the enneagram.

It involved talking about numbers. A lot of numbers. I didn’t understand the number thing. Only when I grew up a bit did I realize that the numbers actually meant something. For people reading this that have never heard of the enneagram- I’ll clue you in.

The Enneagram at the base of things is like a personality test. It’s like Myers Briggs you know those tests you took when you were younger to figure out what kind of qualities you had? If you were on an extroverted person or an introverted person? If you were more logical, more empathetic? Basically where you were on Myers Briggs line.  ( ENFP – I still remember that from high school ) It’s kind of the same thing. But also way more in depth.

The Enneagram deals with numbers as I said.  The Greek word ennea- means nine and the gramma, is something written or drawn. So the numbers go from 1-9. Each number has a different space of where you kind of live/ make your decisions from. They may be called something else officially but what my parents have told me is that there are three spaces; the head space, the heart space and the gut space. **

** These are also apparently called The Instinctive Centre, The Feeling Centre and The Thinking Centre **

So numbers 2,3,4 are from the heart space. They make a lot of decisions based on how they feel, they make them from their heart. ( This isn’t to say that the other numbers aren’t feeling numbers but they think about decisions differently than 2-4’s do) Numbers 5,6,7 are the head space. They tend to think really logical about things before they make a decision and can be in their head a lot- also the thinking centre. And numbers 8,9 and 1 is in the gut space. Or in the instinctive centre. They make decisions from their gut and what feels right in their gut, for them it’s all about justice.

Typically you are supposed to take an online test about what number you are. Also people aren’t supposed to tell you what your number is. I had someone tell me at an early age (one of my parent’s friends) what number I was- way before I was into the enneagram. Also a typical sign of what number you could be, or as it has been pointed out to me is the number you don’t want to be is probably the number you are.

I’m a four on the enneagram. They are kind of known as the tragic romantics ( I hated the title already ) or the individualist. In Helen Palmer’s book The Enneagram: Understanding Yourself and the Others in your Life she describes the tragic romantic as:

“…Having attained recognition and material success, remains steadfastly focused upon the lost love, the unavailable love, a future love, and a picture of happiness that only love can bring. To understand this worldview, you need to project yourself into a state of mind where decisions are based as much upon the shifting chemistry of mood as upon the perception of actual facts; and where conversations are remembered for their feeling tone and innuendo as for whatever words were actually expressed. ”

Fours can be expressive, dramatic, and self absorbed. They tend to be creative people. (although really I think any number can be creative, I just know a lot of artist 4’s )  I always think I feel things a lot, and sometimes more than other people, possibly because I’m a four and often feel first and think later. I am often guilty of the cry of the four which is I’m unique/ special and want to be treated as such. Sometimes hanging out with a bunch of four’s, as a lot of my artist friends are, can be a bit much. We all want to be special or unique and frankly it’s a lot to be around for long periods of time.

When fours are in unhealthy spaces they become very melancholy ( I often think I’m in a sad french film when I’m in an unhealthy space) and move to the two space. When they’re in healthy spaces they move towards the one and become more active. Sometimes I feel like a manic one when I become active and decide I have to do all the things so I can get out of my unhealthy space.

All of the numbers are very different and there are also wings ( like I’m a 4 with a 3 wing which means that sometimes I inhabit 3 like qualities- like being a chameleon).

The Enneagram is definitely a way to learn more about yourself, which I’ve always appreciated and I’ve actually discussed a lot about it with my friends, and now we have conversations about what numbers we are. It’s kind of a good healthy way to mind yourself, to think about your thoughts, and to change the negative ones because at the end of the day we should all be a little like all of the numbers. But that’s just this four’s perspective.

Want to find out what number you are because now you’re so intrigued? Sure you do:

Here’s a link:

Also here’s a clip of what celebrities relate to what number on the enneagram ( which may be totally false but is fun to watch anyway – because who doesn’t want to know what Tom Cruise would be on the enneagram? )


One thought on “The Tragic Romantic Four

  1. I feel like the title of this blog post would be a great movie title. The Tragic Romantic Four. Riding on the theme of Adjective Number Westerns like the Ridiculous Six, Magnificent Seven, and the Hateful Eight, The Tragic Romantic Four would be what a a romantic comedy Western could be if Lena Dunham wrote the script. I recommend you star in this film.


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